just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
