Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
