I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
