worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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