The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
