if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
