Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
