i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
