Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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