I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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