I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
