Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
