Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
