i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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