I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize