party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
