my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
