mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
