Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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