Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
