I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
