Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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