Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
