epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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