:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
how drunk are you?
Several
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
