Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
