you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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