so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't notice because vodka
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
