So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
