maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
