3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
