I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
