love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
