Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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