They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
