Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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