I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
