Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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