I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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