I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize