Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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