Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
