We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
