we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
