Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
