I could make wine with my vomit
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
