God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
