She said her name was "party"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
