Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
