It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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