Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
