i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
