Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
