dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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