i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
