from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
