i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
