Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
