dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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