Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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