i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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