She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
