Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
