Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
