dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
