mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
