PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
